I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

I Don t Care About Your Band Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers Trust Funders Pornographers Felons Faux Sensitive Hipsters and Other Guys I ve Dated What I Learned from Indie Rockers Trust Funders Pornographers Felons Faux Sensitive Hipsters and Other Guys I ve Dated Julie Klausner AuthorIn the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler

  • Title: I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated
  • Author: Julie Klausner
  • ISBN: null
  • Page: 415
  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

    What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I ve Dated Julie Klausner AuthorIn the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner s candid and funny debut I Don t Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find lWhat I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I ve Dated Julie Klausner AuthorIn the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner s candid and funny debut I Don t Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage I Don t Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive It s the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders these are the stars of Klausner s memoir about how hard it is to find a man good or otherwise when you re a cynical grown up exiled in the dregs of Guyville Off the popularity of her New York Times Modern Love piece about getting the brush off from an indie rock musician, I Don t care About Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner s precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who s ever been on a date will relate to Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer Best Week Ever, TV Funhouse on SNL and sketch comedian from NYC s Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, What That sounds crazy Okay, I ll do it I Don t Care About Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it s her job, but who s done with guys who know about love songs than love Klausner s is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20 s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies This is the girl s version of High Fidelity By turns explicit, funny and moving, Klausner s debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real world wisdom on matters of the heart I Don t Care About Your Band is Julie Klausner s manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

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    One thought on “I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

    1. Heather

      I've joined paperback swap and am about to send this book to its new home in Allentown, PA. Since it is no longer going to be part of my collection, I figured I owed it another read.If anything, I'm more depressed the second time around because JK is a smart person. I think some of the things she writes about gender and women's expectations for themselves are absolutely true. Downright brilliant. But reading this akin to watching a horror movie full of cliches. If your car breaks down on a deser [...]

    2. Charley Cook

      The parts that werent slut shaming, sexist, man hating, homophobic or just plain idiotic were pretty good, unfortunately that left me with about 4 pages of content.

    3. Gina Clover

      i despised this book. it was the worst thing i've picked up in a long timest of all, it's not that funny. the book is essentially one long string of mediocre one liners about humiliatingly throwing herself at men. that constitutes a book deal these days? in fact, this book sounds like a blog, not fifteen clams worth of prose. I am SO SICK of reading books that sound like the same thing you would get from someone's blogspot address. (read: i was told there'd be cake) just because you love david s [...]

    4. Hannah Garden

      This is a hard book to review, it appears. I've been thinking about it for a few days, which I feel sort of suspect about--I doubt the author herself would really want anyone mulling this too hard. Or I don't know, who knows what the author thinks. I always think I know what the author thinks, which frequently pollutes my reading to such a degree that my opinions and feelings about the book in question are incomprehensible to anyone I'm trying to talk to about it. I like to diagnose. I'm a diagn [...]

    5. Danielle

      Don't read this book if you value your self esteem. Or if you have any. Or if you think stories about women degrading themselves repeatedly are more sad than funny. I really don't get the comparisons to David Sedaris - while Sedaris mines his bizarre past for funny and detailed stories that also make you happy you read them; Julie Klausners stories are not funny or even insightful. The subtitle is "Lessons Learned from Romantic Disappointments" but it doesn't seem like she ever learns anythinge [...]

    6. Oriana

      What happened was that I read Hannah's review—which you all need to read right now, it's as invigoratingly strange and lovely a piece of writing as any I've seen on this site, so go ahead and click, I'll wait. Right? Damn.So I was all intensified, all ready to get either het UP or obSESSed or some other brilliant Hannah-ism!But then I just didn't. I mean, I made it a third of the way through the book, so I'd say I get it, I see what Julie's trying to do. And she's clever, but only sometimes. T [...]

    7. Blair

      I picked up this book after reading on Jezebel that it was being made into an HBO series. It sounded like something I'd want to read first, then see what happens when HBO gets hold of it. I do love some HBO series, and I wanted to have a point of reference before seeing it. And, Patton Oswalt had a quote on the back of the book! I love him and think he is hilarious! It was enough to buy it. That said, it also sounded like this was a great comedic, feminist tour through a dating world to which I [...]

    8. Megankellie

      I kind of want to sit quietly and stare at a wall from very close up and not talk about this book for a period of 3 days. She said things I am afraid to admit I think over and over and over to the point that it felt like a roller coaster after the long, long climb up. Sometimes she is wrong, because she dislikes midwesterners and I am one of them, although she describes that brand of nice as something with a cold wind going through it, which I agree with and understand and perpetrate occasionall [...]

    9. Emma Bolden

      I admit: I'm a sucker for 's recommendations. It's like has a sway over me that my parents, teachers, government, and the Catholic church never could have: it says "hey, you should read this," and then, somehow, the book is in my check-out box, my mailbox, and my hands. Klausner's book was one such recommendation, along with Hilary Winston's "My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me." I managed to finish Klausner's book and haven't gotten close to finishing Winston's. Klausner actually has some chops [...]

    10. Nette

      Most of the other negative reviewers were turned off by all the sex and vulgarity. I love that stuff -- I hated this book because the author comes off as a smug, mean-spirited man-hater. She's gorgeous and funny and smart, the men are all crazy or ugly, or crazy AND ugly. Or cheaters. Or have families she doesn't approve of. I pray that this woman doesn't eventually land some poor guy, because she'll promptly dump him and write ANOTHER book whining about his mom jeans or his Star Wars collection [...]

    11. Ambrosia

      I first read about this book on Jezebel, where the blogger contrasted it against the controversial Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. Both books are about thirtysomething women with a string of failed relationships behind them, but while Marry Him promotes the idea of settling for "Mr. Good Enough" so as to ward off the specter of loneliness in old age, I Don't Care About Your Band chronicles Julie Klausner's journey towards learning just the opposite: You're capable and fabulous all on your own, and i [...]

    12. Caitlin Constantine

      I just read the blurb for this book, which compares Klauser to Chelsea Handler, and I was like, no wonder I was so underwhelmed by this book. I read one of Chelsea Handler's books, the one where she writes about all of her one-night stands, and I came away from it thinking that Handler sounded like an extremely cruel person, whose two-page epiphany about how bad it is to treat men as if they are disposable dildoswell, let's just say I was not convinced.Klausner was actually a lot better, particu [...]

    13. Lauren orso

      man, i just don't knowis is one of those things that is equal parts just boring, bad, compelling and charming enough, that makes you angry you didn't do it first, like sophia copolla movies and every tumblr-turned-bookdeal (and yours would be so much funnier! and TRUER! oh, and aren't you so pretty today? have some ice cream!). i kept wanting to like this more than i did (her jewish real-fucking-new-yorker grandma! her subpop t-shirt! ) but it never quite clicked enough. maybe i'm too close to h [...]

    14. Melissa

      It was ok. Klausner is a funny chick and I had a lot of laugh out loud moments, though, I somehow managed to feel bored at the same time. I Don't Care About Your Band read more like a series of essays, which is usually ok, but in this case merely highlighted Klausner's lack of subject matter. Each chapter was dedicated to the unnervingly relatable and cringe worthy tale of a different failed relationship/almost relationship. I get that the point of the entire book was to write about all of her s [...]

    15. Angie

      Everyone knew that girl that slept her way through every guy she ever met, wondering why she couldn't find "The One" but thought it was ok as long as she acknowledged it first and made jokes about. Because if SHE was the one pointing it out and laughing about it then it was FUNNY and not sad, right? No. It's just sad. Recounting the tales of what losers she dated, knowing they were losers and sleeping with them anyway then wondering why she can't possibly find a decent guy? If it read nearly was [...]

    16. Leah

      I was at an independent bookstore in Greenpoint, my search for a new book had gone on for a week at this point, so I was pretty desperate. I picked up this book and my boyfriend said, "I love Julie Klausner!" so I opted to buy it. The cashier ringing me up told me how funny the book was, and how it'll make you never want to date again. It's her go-around book for all of her female friends who have been wronged by love. It sounded promising.The introduction of this book lent to this promise. I la [...]

    17. Lexi

      I wanted to like this book more than I actually did. I think I gave it an extra star because I felt like there was so much potential here to be funny. And, it just wasn't there. She's just like me! I kept thinking, while reading. But then, just like my own life (get ready for tragedy), there was no real resolution at the end. I didn't really learn anything, which makes for quite the ironic title. It was more like a stumble through her sloppy relationships, and lots of self-deprecating humor that [...]

    18. Juliet

      A tap-dancing, jazz-handed, self-deprecating performance of a narrative as desperate for our approval as much as that of the men the decidedly insecure author thoughtlessly pursues, infuriatingly and offputtingly so, and dismissive of female friendships in a way that a woman who past her self-absorbed twenties STILL feels she is in competition with all of her sex for those crumbs of male attention will be. I tired of reading minute variations on the tale of how the author prostrated herself for [...]

    19. Steph

      Props for the Beyonce joke and the chapter on dating musicians though. Also, the randomly insightful feminist thoughts that seemed out of place in this particular book. Spot on. Too bad the rest was incredibly offensive towards, well, everyone. It also seemed to be about shock value rather than being an open expression of a sexually confident woman, which I gather is what I was supposed to think while reading. Well, no. Newp.

    20. CiderandRedRot

      Julie Klausner pens an enjoyable read, so it's a bit of a shame that many of the witty, smart things she has to say regarding how women are conditioned to feel shitty about themselves and their desires are couched through the medium of 'Utter Arseholes That I Have Fucked & Dated'. (I know, it's the entire premise of this book, I have only myself to blame.) She's refreshingly upfront about her sexuality - one of the most entertaining chapters revolves around her lack of shame regarding her em [...]

    21. Lix Hewett

      The book got much more bearable after my last status update, but I'm sticking by my earlier assessment and giving it one star. I want to make it very, very clear that I have no problem whatsoever with the author's promiscuity and in fact nearly always enjoy candid sex talk, even when it's gross. I also don't have it in me to judge the author for making terrible decisions about men -- as long as she's the only one getting hurt by them. What I take issue with -- what made me angry every few pages [...]

    22. Christaaahh

      This book had so much potential but just like a deflating balloon it ran out of air to keep afloat. I only finished this book because I am not a quitter and I like to stick with things and also I love girl memoirs. I love crass female comedians that have that "tell it like it is" attitude and I really thought Julie was going to take it home for me on this one. There were about 3 really funny and very smart sentences that were worthy enough for a facebook status update or possibly a tweet. With e [...]

    23. Kyle

      This book was an easy read. However, it wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it was very hard to feel anything other than pity for the author, who despite her professed dislike of Midwestern values, seems in constant search of them as she is crushed by guy after guy after guy. The entire book consists of her meeting some guy, explaining how horrible the guy treated her on their first "maybe" date, sleeping with him anyway, and then being crushed when the guy dumps her. So by [...]

    24. Hava

      You know that revelatory feeling most girls had after reading "He's Just Not That Into You"? I had that same feeling after reading "I Don't Care About Your Band", without feeling angry at the book and myself afterwards. Without self-pity or wallowing, Julie Klausner writes a very funny, very wise dating memoir of her harrowing dating experiences with faux-sensitive hipsters, musicians, trust fund babies, felons and an assortment of other wonderful characters. I've never dated a musician but afte [...]

    25. christa

      When it comes to comedy, my favorite is the kind where chaos is happening in the background, while at the forefront a straight man is seemingly unaware. This is why the "Naked Gun" trilogy is brilliant and also why nothing makes me pee harder than the scene in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" when Steve Martin is running in circles, banging a spoon against a sauce pan and screaming "Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!"When it comes to comedy writer, I've figured out the exact coordinates that need to exist i [...]

    26. Daniel

      I have a recurring habit whenever I get bogged down with a "deep book" to the point where I want to put it down (basically I'm taking a break from 1Q84, because get to the goddamn point already) -- where I read something "lighter" to cleanse the palette. Patton Oswalt blurbed this and I read some interesting stuff on Jezebel, so I gave it a look.Devoured it in a day -- actually laughed out loud at many points, and really got into it. I suspect that if you're someone who reads a lot of relationsh [...]

    27. Kay Marie

      how anyone besides the author found this book to be funny or humorous is beyond me. i didn't get a single chuckle out of this 200+ page dribble. it is just about a real life regina george who makes fun of everyone because she believes herself to be better than everyone. sometimes she is flat out mean and judgemental but not in a oh that's mean and judgemental but you made it sounds funny way. I'm so glad i will never have to meet her because she paints herself to be a terrible person nobody shou [...]

    28. Jen

      There are some parts of this book that describe human behavior with such scarily dead-on accuracy (making them either worth a horrified cringe or an extended belly laugh --- all depending on if it echos a previous personal mistake or one made by a friend) and then other parts of this book that are really just so sad that I've got to hope they are based in fiction. The book is full of stories of dating gone awry and Klausner's need to be slutty from time to time in her search for love. It's like [...]

    29. Patrick

      A lot of reviewers are really hard on this book. I'll admit that it gets off to a slow and un-focused start, but most of it had me laughing out loud. Maybe because I listen to Julie Klausner's weekly podcast, I know that her intention here is not to come across as a "mean girl." She just wants you to let you laugh at, and maybe learn from, her mistakes.

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